My big Frenemy...p.t 1

I have a theory that I don't feel like imposing. However, it involves something that I (and everyone else) use every day- technology. By technology, I mean the latest developments like social media, the internet, smartphones, and so on. Specifically, now I want to talk about chatting on social websites. It is very intriguing because you get the opportunity to gain so much information, inspiration and understanding on a global level. You can live in the USA and talk with someone from Nepal, exchange cultures and perspectives, and enjoy the company of someone different. Video calls allow you to keep in touch with the people you love when you or they have to travel. You get to explore many arts, life stories and music from around the world. How could this be bad? It is awesome! This part keeps me away from the idea of deleting every single social media I have. (plus I haven't figured out teleportation that well....).

What does chatting actually mean? You make a profile, put some pictures, name, age or some description that is usually...somewhat superficial (since describing yourself fully in this limited way is objectively impossible). Depending on the purpose of the app, you contact someone via message (hello, hey, wazzup, pineapple on pizza? etc.) In the best case, you are facing a picture of a person and a chatbox. If you had to arrange a date with this person (for a romantic, business or friendly matter), you have to put effort into choosing a place to meet, dress up, save up time for this event, to actually go and be at least somewhat socially active (you have no choice; there is a living person against you). It is hard not to take the person somewhat seriously because you have spent time and effort. In the chat, however, such planning, timing and social interactions aren't required- and this, I believe, is part of the problem with chats.

The first question is who is on the other side if someone is there at all? Not a small proportion of the users are chatting when bored, procrastinating and so forth. How much would the person want to interact or invest? When he asks you questions or keeps up the conversation (little or less), is he/she actually interested, or just killing time through you? When the answer is yes for both sides, hooray! But if one of the sides is actually willing to invest a lot in the chat and starts giving meaning to the person on the other side almost the same way as if he/she is alive in front of him? Ouch! Here comes the disappointment train... Of course, nobody is to blame here; it's a misunderstanding of the effort both sides are willing to make and the amount of meaning they want to give to the communication. Even if 5 people have written in their bio "I want to make friends from around the world" or "long-term friendships only, don't ghost me pls", they would have different perspectives on what friendships mean for them and how they would treat a virtual friendship. Or they may have written that bio 4 months ago, being in an overly chatty mood, but now they are different and don't want to "waste their time". The chatting process also gives a lot of opportunities for misunderstandings, which can be quite frustrating for both sides. That is a valid reason that can lead to a sudden ignore, block or ghosting. (It's not you who is the problem) If we look at it from the side of the person who gives a lot and can attach to the virtual friend, we can see why it's nobody's fault- it was his/her decision to develop certain feelings towards that person, knowing all well that he/she is somewhere else, maybe with a fake profile and info. And it is totally ok to say that some people just don't like receiving endless attention, compliments and huge respect from the very beginning (for many reasons), even if it's obvious that you are sincere. It's a risk the "super givers" have to take, as everyone does when making decisions. And maybe the "Instant givers" can learn in what cases they can give and in what to keep their enthusiasm. Because we get the opportunity to meet a lot of different people, chances are that we aren't prepared for it. It would be very easy to offend someone or to bring up a bad topic. Some people are more sensitive, while others use chatting with others in a more practical way. And all of this is ok.

Are we ready for this technological advantage? There is a lot of cyberbullying, fake profiles, disappointments and so on, which shows that this feature of our society is developing. However, I think that we were presented with it without a manual. There isn't much to be done, but I think we can at least be honest, kind, and respectful, trying to explain our boundaries and perspective from the beginning. The most important thing is to always consider that in most cases, the profiles on social media contain actual people with real feelings, which deserve respect. And to understand that sometimes we are just expecting too much from a person whom we just contacted via any platform. Overtrusting from the beginning is also not a winning ticket, fellow naive people (love you!)

Do you think a virtual friendship or even relationship is something that can truly last and be meaningful? I am curious to know your opinions!