Is meaningless meaningful?

The drive to get up and start your day, making breakfast (healthy or barely edible), looking out the window of your house, deciding what could happen to you today? Rainy-gonna take an umbrella, but if it's too windy, a bus or taxi would be better. Will there be a lot of work in the office? Will you meet an interesting person? All these things have meaning, but are they meant to have meaning, or do they receive it from somewhere? A fresh new sports car can have 10000% meaning for a car enthusiast, but what about for a person who can't or doesn't want to drive? Maybe we are the givers of meaning. But who gave us that meaning, which we ourselves give? Is there a limit? Lots of people have done amazing things that are in consideration of the world and its well-being. (it's a completely different topic if there can be a fully altruistic deed or it is partial "egoistic motivation"). Some may say that it is God who gives us meaning or our parents. There are people, who have been raised without proper parental care (or in total lacking of such care). Therefore I believe that we not only have meaning, but we humans are generators of meaning (including animals, all living beings). Therefore we have the luxury to spread the generated meaning to all the things we do and people we meet.

A little note I would like to add- If we people are generators of meaning, doesn't that suggest that our worth can be measured only by ourselves? Let's say a breakup happens, and the ex doesn't give you the meaning she once did. Does that make you less meaningful or suddenly your purpose and "price" droppes? If we are generators of meaning, then we do not need others' approval or attention to be deemed "Important".

Although we can be seen as... let's say a source or fountain of meaning (generator sounds too...mechanized, idk) then why do we experience existential crisis or loss of meaning? Is it because our source is not unlimited and if we water plants that aren't our type then we won't have water for the flowers we truly love? I think this answer is too easy and a little bit too disgraceful for the beauty that the human psyche and body are. I am searching for an answer that would better befit the magic that is the human soul.

How many of the choices we make are conscious? How many of the choices we make do we even give attention to or perceive them as choices? Turning left instead of right, eating 3 ice creams instead of 2, smiling at the homeless man that you just passed by. A lot we do without thought, that is why it is easy for social and parental norms to be embedded in us, as if they are "part of us". And so we do pursue higher education to become a doctor, throwing away our beautiful paintings somewhere in the attic, where they won't remind us that we adore painting. Now imagine, that we are taking decisions based on social norms every once or twice a day (the norms themselves aren't a bad thing, but following them too much may create discomfort). Watering a cactus that we don't even like, leaving no water for the jasmine we love. I believe that when we give meaning to things which aren't fit for us, at one point we just lose all motivation and reach the state of meaningless. It sounds scary, doesn't it, losing the meaning of life, realizing that the persona you were building isn't the real you, and then you see that you don't know who you even are. However, I think the state of no meaning is like a common cold. As the famous doctor Barbara O'Neill would say, the common cold is like a housecleaning process. Maybe the state of no meaning is a sign that you should reconstruct your values and understandings.

I am a very ambitious and hyped person, even a little bit idealistic. I am pursuing my PhD, have awesome friends, and family, who not only support me but believe I will accomplish much (without giving me much pressure). I write novels and stories, I learn languages, I interpret dreams, financially stable. Yet, one day, I lost the meaning of everything. As if nothing mattered. What I do or what others did suddenly had no meaning. How could it be? I adore learning Japanese and grasping the culture behind it! I love psychology, going deep into the psyche and observing how awesome it is! I love my family, I love nature, I love love itself! And yet, for some time, I lost the meaning of it all. Sometimes it is not that we have chosen activities that aren't the best for us, but maybe our motives are exhausting, or our expectations lead to disappointments that are too deep. I wrote stories in the hope of becoming a famous author one day. I am pursuing a PhD because I want to teach, to travel the world and give lectures on dream and dream interpretation. I want to start my own course for dream interpretation. Of course, all of this is good, but I was aiming at results...forgetting that the action itself is worthwhile and inspiring. Then I lost interest in the results which I hoped would give me meaning and value. It is then, that the things that mattered and the proper reasons came to me. Now I enjoy writing down each hieroglyph in Japanese, not being bothered if am improving slow or fast or if I would ever go to Japan. Now I enjoy psychology for the wisdom, the inspiration that it is, even if I don't become a psychologist. Now I look at the birds outside my window and find the entire meaning of life in that small, feathered creature. The beauty of observation! Being alive is a meaning, being able to learn, love and laugh is meaningful! When we forget ourselves and follow external motives, then Mr. Meaningless comes for a psychological cleanup. In a crisis such as an "existential crisis (or vacuum)"we can find lots of inspiration and even a chance to become better people, or to become more ourselves. Every "problem" can be turned into an opportunity, if fully understood.

Sidenote: I have nothing against external motivation, after all, we need to eat, sleep, drink, be healthy and enjoy life. However, it can be exhausting if we are entirely motivated by the results, neglecting the process. Or at least this is my experience. Would love to hear your opinion on this topic! Stay healthy and smile! :)