Do we know what we want and do we need it?

It is very common to engage in situations that require us to make up our minds and take a particular decision. Some choices we make are based on what we have to do, and others- are influenced by what we want (and very often the decisions are somewhat mixed between "have to" and "want to"). It is straightforward to perform activities we must do (paying taxes). However, it is way more fun pursuing our own dreams, desires and aspirations. The conflict arises when we come to the realization that we are uncertain about what we actually want.

It can be easily seen with teens who are soon to finish their high school education and "have to" make a decision about what path they will take- if it's pursuing higher education, then what subject will it be, and which university? If not, then what kind of job and where? I have personally observed how some people use the university for winning some 3-4 years time before they can get any idea of what they really want. As if this isn't a hard enough case for many teens and young adults, there is also this "social clock" that is ticking ( samples of the social clock are " you must have a family, stable income, house and kids by the age of 30"). Looking at how everyone around you takes the decisions that you are unable to take (cause you don't know what you want) pressures many to just take a path for the sake of not falling behind. But then comes the question do other people make life choices on the basis of their desires, or do they too just feel stressed out and know they have to know what they want by now and so they just shoot in a certain direction? Most likely everyone is as confused as you are, whether they would admit it or not.

And after this comes an even more complicated question- you have figured out what you want, but is that "the THING"? Is that the best for you, is that what you truly need? This reminds me of a very common phrase "Be careful what you wish for". If suddenly a genie appears before you and gives you the opportunity to ask for 3 wishes, would they turn out the things that you really need and are best for you? Too often it's seen in movies how some wishes can turn your world upside down and have a very unpredictable outcome for you. And then comes the realization- I don't want this anymore. And it's often a huge surprise- like for instance when you know a friend who is very inspired and eager to achieve something and works on that for years and years, only to receive it and then feel very disappointed or even miserable. It turns out that even if we know what we want, it often doesn't align with what we need. It is frustrating especially when a lot of effort and time are dedicated to a specific wish or desire.

This mostly happens simply because we do not have enough experience with ourselves (or we don't know ourselves that well). We are very good at deceiving ourselves and others that the thing we do and the path we've taken is the best one. But the subconscious detects lies pretty easily. It waits, it gives signals that such blasphemy won't hold on for long. Let's take a couple, for example. Everything is awesome, until "we need to break up" happens. The other partner is confused, shocked, and surprised that such events are happening- "Everything was completely good until now". No, it wasn't, and the shocked partner knows it all too well- his subconscious mind probably had detected all the signs that the ship is sinking for a long time. But the ego can't admit that it took a wrong decision, especially after all the effort and love...

Ok, so it's hard for some to figure out what they want, and even if they do, that most likely won't be what they need. Then what is the point? Should we stop having desires, should we stop our progress and just stay as we are? Rather, it is good to know that wishes often represent our current mood or way of thinking. Thus it is normal that something that we wished for at 18 isn't giving us the same pleasure at 25 or sounds absurd. It is not wrong to follow your wishes even if they lead to something that you don't want (which is often seen as a mistake). Because how can you know what is best for you, if you don't experience situations and interactions that aren't good for you? Besides allowing ourselves to experience different situations is one thing, the other is to think where our wish comes from- from inspiration, from fear, from lack of faith in ourselves, from frustration. And this leads to a better understanding of our own selves.

One last conclusion that I can gather is that we shouldn't be so attached to the things we pursue- a person, a goal, a job, a lifestyle. Of course, it's good to work with inspiration and dedication towards our goals, but getting too attached can be devastating for the psyche. Ok, so you have lost your job, you broke up with the perfect girl or you dropped out of college. It's bad, painful and probably doesn't look good for you. But how would you know if that was the best for you anyway? You wanted it, but did you need it? What if you were saved by something totally bad? I think that some goals and decisions (and wishes) lead us to what is best for us, and most lead us to a better understanding of what we need. In the long run, it is a win-win situation. This may also help us become more adaptable, as life is moving, it's "alive" and changing. Even if you feel miserable for realizing you followed a path that isn't for you, isn't it a good experience, if it brought you knowledge about yourself?